wOo.. im feeling so morning fresh.. even though its 4pm .. i can't believe i slept for 17 hours straight .. yesh.. its cause, once again, i have gotten sick. i think linda's actually right.. IM SUCH A LITTLE WEAKLING ! ehhh.... so much for being a mulan .. >.< man i am so stuffed on this science assiment.. ='[ if any of u guys finish urs early.. care to help me.. ? ehehhe narr jks.. i'll get it finished eventually.. even if it kills me. i hope. was it meant to be hot Ass today or sumfin..? hmm.. maybe anh's right. this room IS colder than all the others.. cause right now i am freezing my ass off. wells tutor was alright yesterdays.. except for the fact that linda n i were sitting right by the door where the cold wind was coming in. and i seriously don't get chem.. is it possible to do tutoring for tutor? .. if that makes any sense.. and it didn't realli help much that there were all these smart people in tha class who actually understood all the stuff we... (more)

 

We talked in his car during band practice one night. I wasn't dressed for the cold and that was the excuse.
We'd been talking a little, here and there, for a few weeks ... but getting into the warm car, closed off from anyone who might hear us, made some sort of difference.

When I felt the tingling feeling, we weren't even talking. It was quiet. He was looking for a tape to play. I looked up from counting my fingers and he was looking at me and we both just sort of smiled.

We were comfortable in an awkward teenage sort of way.

I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I was a crip and an oddball to boot. It just never occurred to me that anyone would have any interest in me until I got out of our backwater high school.

We fell hard for each other. Spent hours just gazing into each other's eyes, stroking each other, talking about everything we could share. We had already decided we were going to be together forever before we had sex.

When we did, it was quick and uncomfortable and we were scared (we were in my twin bed thinking parents could walk in any minute). But we practiced a lot after that and it did get better. It was good to learn together.

It couldn't be evil. We were sure we were married in the eyes of God.

Three years later, I went to college. He'd already been there a year. Suddenly the world opened up to me and it didn't seem right to be locked into this "forever" deal anymore. I wasn't ready to marry and I suddenly wasn't sure I ever would be.

When I quit our relationship, I didn't realize that's what was happening. He did. He was anguished and I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't comfort him and "see other people" at the same time. So I said goodbye and I told him he couldn't keep coming back.

It took a while, but we got used to just being friends.

Years later, I introduced him to my roommate. They married and their five-year-old is my very good friend. His recent picture with Santa sits beside my computer as I write. My life is so much richer with his family in it.

It was a love that will last forever.

It just wasn't meant to be the way we thought it was ... way back when.

 

KPF All Star Show tonight
Tonight's KPF show is a curatorial culmination of sorts -- all the people who I could get who really "got" the idea of combining karaoke with poetry -- combining song and poems, yes, but also candor, making an ass of one's self, showing your personhood on stage, and, really, the whole cheering-on-other-poets thing is not something one would see at a normal reading. Tonight, it takes one arena proportions -- all of the people have done it before, they're reading more than one poem so their poems take a bit more of a spotlight, and we're going to try and amp up the production a bit. And all the night before I sing and play guitar in public for the second time in my life. Me, Gene, and Tom are going to play 80s covers at Happy Ending, the same place I read last week. The same place I read that 8th grade journal passage -- which, by the way, freaked many people out.